Regret
by MasKaiHilFantic
Summary: His entire life was filled with grief and regret, until that one moment shone upon him. The thought of forgiveness... (rated for language, first time writing for Slayers! Hooray! :D)


**First time for everything, I guess ^^. This is my official debut in the Slayers fandom and it's been a long time coming :3 I was introduced to it by a very good friend and I adorned this anime so much (Thanks a bunch BG!). Out of all the characters, Rezo the Red Priest stood out the best to me. He's a priest, a man who does good deeds and he has no eyesight and isn't granted it. Sounds like a conspiracy theory to me. Anyhoo I wanted to bring forward my version of Rezo's back-story and here it is. Keep in mind, it might wound up in the distant lands of an AU, hopefully not but I have a feeling anyways xD**

 **So I hope you enjoy this fanfiction as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always, I'll see you on the other side.**

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 _"Forgive me my Lord, for I seek repentance."_

The wind gushed heavily that day, all the wild critters had sought cover in burrows and holes as the plants were left at the mercy of the storm. Like their little friends, the larger animals and humans had also reserved to the sanctuaries of their homes, rendering all their activities to a halt. But not him, he might have been in the church but he wasn't going to stay there for long. He had a plan in mind and nothing and no one was going to hinder him in executing it.

 _Not even Him…_

"Forgive me my Lord, for I seek repentance."

He was one knee in front of the cross, one of the traditional ways of praying amongst religions. He continued to stay on one knee as the wind blew through the door brushing his cassock against the church carpet. He slowly stood up, age clearly not showing its affects on him but still he acted deliberately. He slowly turned to face the entrance of the empty church, and felt the breeze frolic with his hair. He could've denied his feelings, but he didn't.

"It is said that when you find Jesus, you get to walk besides him in the kingdom of Heaven. Would you believe that?" He murmured to no one in particular as he paced around the church, admiring its engineering, its ingenuity and its art. He felt the textured walls, slid his fingers over the mahogany benches and even admired the statue of Jesus Christ with his touch.

For that was all he was capable of, nothing less and nothing more.

He ran his hand through his violet locks, gently tousling them as he sat on one of the benches of the church. "I wonder if He knows what I'm planning to do." He thought to himself, as a wan smile crept over his lips. His life wasn't always easy; in fact it was anything but that. Born without eyesight was the biggest tragedy which struck this man, who was supposedly a man of God. And being born with one of the evil Ruby Eye Shabranigdu pieces within him would not would serve him well too. He was however optimistic that he would find a cure to his blindness by learning magic. He travelled frequently to hone and eventually master his skill, whilst bringing light back into other blind peoples' eyes, yet unable to cure his own.

He grew impatient, but convinced and eased himself that this was all part of God's grandest plan to give him the loftiest of glory. He tried to keep himself calm by reciting the Bible in the small garden of his church as little critters played around him. He would sing hymns, stay hungry just so others who were unfortunate around him could eat and would even donate to the church every once in a while. In his pure state of celibacy, he dared not even think about eyeing one of the young nuns, not that he could actually eye her anyways. For a good while, he even thought that his state of blindness was a blessing in disguise as he was able to abstain himself from committing the more pleasurable of sins.

 _But there is a big difference between a blessing and a curse._

* * *

After a while, it dawned upon him that this blessing was nothing like what he thought. His lack of eyesight was starting to get the better of him, as he began growing a bit impatient. He learned shaman's magic and tried to cure his eyesight, but failed. His frustration grew and grew to the point his primal instinct got the better of him one night.

That would be the foundation which would eventually be the raison d`etre for Zelgadiss Graywoods, Rezo's great-grandson.

It was once vaguely foreshadowed upon Rezo that his blindness would be the driving force that would eventually crack him. He never took this trepidation seriously, albeit it was even considered one by him. But as time progressed, his impulse to see the world and its vivid colors grew him mad, first mentally then from power. He was somehow able to take up black magic, and to his surprise he excelled in it. But black magic was not allowed in his church and would result in his ostracization from it. But he could've cared less, for he was bent upon gaining his eyesight. He continued his travels but his ulterior motive was anything but to go on a holy mission. He wanted what destiny never deemed his in the first place, but like most humans he was determined to regain what was his.

During one of his travels, he crossed a kingdom named Taforashia which was going through a wild epidemic named the Durum sickness which affected anyone within its plague, including the king. Unbeknownst to the poor residents of the kingdom, it was actually _Rezo_ who created the sickness and let it run rampant across the kingdom, rendering everyone sick. In reality, he wanted to trap all the souls of the kingdom's inhabitants in a crystal vat so he could transfer them in the Hellmaster's jar to regain his eyesight.

He was once the most revered men in his villages, he was claimed to be a man of God and now he was doling out pain to humanity by trapping souls to regain what was never actually meant to be his.

Thus is man's story.

* * *

He was successful in conveying all the souls in the Hellmster's jar, which actually worked. But even that didn't cure his eyesight. Nature was clearly telling the Red Priest to stop and a normal man would've given up by then, but Rezo's desire to cure his disability was now an obsession and there was no one stopping him from getting his vision. The fragment of Shabranigdu within him urged his desires and overtook all the righteousness he ever had, blackening his soul more than darkness itself. One day he thought that reviving the actual Shabranigdu would result in curing his blindness. He figured that should Shabranigdu be revived, one of the ma-ō would grant him his eyesight back.

So he is now determined to revive the Dark Lord which would be the one true source of giving him eyesight whilst destroying anyone and everyone within his path, including his own great-grandson Zelgadiss who almost averted disaster from being completely turned into stone, but Rezo made sure that he got the last laugh.

Not even the most corrupt would think about doing harm to their own flesh and blood, and Rezo had turned his great-grandson into half-stone. Was this really how low man could stoop to get what he wants? Even Rezo wonders that sometimes.

* * *

"Are you up there?" Rezo called at the heavens nonchalantly, almost playfully, assumingly to God.

"Are you up there, because I don't see you." the evil priest continued almost humorously, "I guess that's one thing common between the others and me." He chuckled. "Whatever happened to "all men are created equal"? I tried all I could to please You, so You would give me what's mine. I stayed away from women, I never drank, I never even swore. And now it's come to this? Me, trapping the souls of a _fucking_ kingdom to regain my eyesight. Oops, I just did the ungodly sin of blasphemy." Rezo chuckled once again at the end.

Then he got serious, "I don't know if you know God, but I hate doing this. Granted, I am an evil human being who is acting against your orders, but I've had enough. I want to be nice to everybody, and I succeed at times. But it is frustrating to not get the exact fruition of my deeds. I was supposed to get my eyesight back, remember?" He sighed, before his face contorted into a scowl. "I am starting to feel depressed, hopeless, lost. I stay up at nights, rarely pray and even started to home suicidal hate within me. This was the exact opposite of what I was set out to gain. But I guess life is never fair, is it God?!" He snapped, before calming himself down.

"I might end up doing more dastardly deeds in the future, because quite frankly, I'm not getting what I want. I would have to continue to dish out destruction towards everyone who will stop me from reviving the Dark Lord, because I know that some light from Heaven will not shine upon me, which would miraculously open my eyes and I will be given the holy message by some dancing angels which will make me regret everything that I would've done up until then. No, I don't expect that." He paused.

"Quite frankly, I don't believe in miracles anymore." He suspired before he stood up to begin his voyage to seek out the Philosopher's Stone which would revive the Dark Lord. He murmured a quick prayer but that quick prayer segued into an hour of tears and regrets, curses and wishes, filled with bittersweet pain and the hope of seeing the world just once. Just once…

He got up, wiping his tears before addressing the Creator, "I must go now. I must seek out the Philosopher's Stone, my only hope, my only shining beacon in this eternal darkness. Help me in my treacherous journey oh Creator and Sustainer of all." He said before turning around and heading out of the church. There he stopped for a few moments before murmuring out,

"I know You will forgive me…"

He journeyed into the unknown in search of what he had lost since so long through evil, and yet asked for God's help. What can only be described as tragic, Rezo the Red Priest's life is the constant struggle every man of God has or had to face. The struggle to be close to God, as well as be content, almost be at complacency. But since the mentioned state is nearly unattainable and life is never easy, there are moments where even the most pious of men snap.

Rezo was one of them. But in heart he knew, and for that he was thankful for being pious, he knew that no matter what would happen; in the end he would find eternal peace.

Which in essence was all he ever wanted...

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 **There you have it dear readers. I hope you liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Hopefully you can ignore some of the AU elements in the fanfiction, and give constructive criticism that I always appreciate. I'll hopefully see you all next time with another Slayers fanfiction. Take care**

 **Sincerely,**

 **~Machu :3**


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